Dreamers Awake: Chapter 6.
Chapter 6
There was something on her shoe. A thin black eyebrow lifted as she glanced at the sole of her sneaker, noting the strange patch of white. She sighed at the realization that she had stepped in gum again. She always seemed to step in gum. And then it would get all over her pants when she tucked her foot under her which is how she usually sat. Great, another pair of pants ruined. She’d have to run to the bathroom and check afterward, for now though, she sat silently and waited.
He was doing something on his computer, fingers against his lips, blue eyes staring at the screen, reading. He had asked for just a minute and Kiara gave it to him, sitting silently, watching his back as he studied whatever was on the screen. She had narrowed her eyes, squinting, in attempts to see what he was reading. It looked like some sort of Email so she felt bad for snooping. But her eyesight was terrible and it was highly unlikely that she’d be able to read it from this distance. It gave her something else to do though besides listen to the incessant ticking of the clock.
The volume of that clock seemed to change depending on the mood she was in whenever she entered the office. On days she was doing well, happy, thinking positively, it was barely there, the tick almost inaudible. And on days where she just didn’t feel like talking, wanted to be silent, isolated and upset, the ticking was deafening, each second passing by in the wake of its own sonic boom.
Today the clock was indifferent. She heard it but didn’t focus on it. She wasn’t sure how she was feeling right now. Things weren’t terrible but they could be better. It was one of those in between days where she wasn’t sure if she was happy or sad. She was content; that was probably the best way to describe it. Though she knew that he’d take the word “content” to mean “not sure” and drill her about what she wasn’t sure about in her life.
But she could talk about what she wasn’t sure about in her life for more than hour, much more than hour, she could probably talk about that for days. Time was of the essence though and she figured she might as well make the most of the time they had together. And soon he had turned around in his chair and smiled brightly at her, the laugh lines around his eyes wrinkling as he stretched his feet out and rested them on a chair that sat beside her, making himself comfortable before he spoke.
“So, how ya doin today Kid?”
She met his gaze with a small smile of her own, finding it amusing that he always called her Kid. She liked the nickname; she always connected it with what a big brother would call their younger sister. But she had never had a big brother, she had never had any siblings, so she didn’t know if they actually called their younger siblings kid. But the fact that he called her Kid, it made her smile and blush but also feel young. But she didn’t really mind. He was older than her after all, at least 40 but sometimes he acted 20 years younger and that’s why she liked him so much. He understood her, could get down on her level and really understand things. She was sure that it was because he had, of course, been in his early 20’s before and he had gone through his own period of growing up and difficulty with life etc. But it was still comforting, that someone just seemed to understand her so well.
Her friends always said he was nice to her because he was getting paid to be. But she never liked to believe that. It was probably true but it was more comforting to think that he actually understood her and really wanted to help her. She just shrugged off her friend’s words and let herself believe that they were just pessimistic, wanting to drag her down further than she already was. She knew she was being silly but, she felt like she had a friend in Dr. Tobias Williams and enjoyed their sessions together, always leaving feeling peaceful and ready to face the world.
With a smile she shrugged and tugged one foot under her, shifting in the seat to make herself more comfortable as she glanced away from him and said easily, “Ok, for the most part.” For some reason, maybe just because she found him attractive, she had trouble looking into his eyes. She also knew that was supposed to be a sign that you were lying, or you weren’t confident or something else like that. But she just had trouble looking at him. It made her feel stupid and bumbling and tongue tied like a silly teenager with a crush on a teacher or something. He had explained that to her before, it was called transference and it happened quite often. When people thought they were in love with their therapists, but it was more that they were in love with what the therapists did for them. They helped them, they listened, they let them figure out their problems and just gave slight pushes when needed and words of comfort when sought.
She was pretty sure that’s what it was and besides, she had always been prone to having crushes on older men, teachers and such, she just liked to think that it was because all the boys her age were stupid, immature and selfish. Which was basically true. It was impossible to find a date with a nice boy, at least that’s what she kept telling herself. She didn’t really actively look for boyfriends, too tired of being rejected and always having her friends being picked over her.
But she didn’t want to talk about relationships today, those were always tiring, emotional sessions and she left feeling drained and miserable. Today, she wasn’t sure what she wanted to talk about. But Dr. Williams was always good about figuring out what subjects were on her mind. So with that bright smile again he shrugged his shoulders and lifted thin blonde eyebrows as he said, “For the most part…so something’s not entirely ok?”
Frowning slightly at her choice of words, realizing that she had made it seem like something was bothering her, she took a minute to think her words over. Was something bothering her? Things at home were alright, quiet, but alright. Work was…work. She was still looking for something permanent; she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life at Starbucks as a Barista. Her friends were, her friends. She had found herself getting more easily annoyed with them recently .She had taken to staying at home more often, even on the weekends. Earlier in the year she’d be out every Saturday night, wasting money, drinking and having a good time. Now though, even the idea of spending time with her friends, well one girl in particular, Victoria, sent shivers down her spine. The girl was as annoying as they came.
Kiara wasn’t sure if she was just being a bitch and judging the girl or something but she just couldn’t stand the thought of her recently. Maybe she should talk about her today? She just wasn’t sure. Her lips continued to frown, teeth biting gently at her bottom lip as she let out a breath and shook her head, voice low, distant, still thinking.
“Well, I mean, things are kinda the same. Family’s family, friends are…friends. Work’s work. Nothing much changes really. You know me; I don’t lead a very exciting life.” She smiled at her own self-deprecating words, knowing they were true and Dr. Williams smiled slightly as well, nodding his head in agreement. He knew everything about her so he knew that most nights after work she simply went home, slept, read, and watched TV. Her life was routine, day by day and only every now and again would she dare break it. He stretched his arms behind his head and then settled himself in his chair again, netting his fingers together and lifting his brows, saying with an easy shrug, “Alright, so what do you want to talk about today? Let’s try and make your life a little more exciting huh?”
Blinking she considered his words for a moment. They had had sessions like this before; he gave her advice, ideas how to have more fun. How to meet new people, cool places to go with her friends but she didn’t always listen. Sometimes she’d step out of her bubble and do something unexpected, like that random day trip to Maine she had taken with her friend a couple weeks ago. It hadn’t been anything life changing but it had been nice to spend hours on the road and walk around somewhere new and different.
With a nod she grinned and said quietly, “Sure…can’t hurt to try.”
